Update for the sake of updating

Seeing that Zach clearly tried to stage a coup d'état today by updating the blog without me, yahmo shit right back into his mouth with this killer post. Although his was kind of a killer post too...too soon?

What to write about? Hold on, let me stumble for a second. Ok, I'm back. And I nailed it with this shit.

Ever seen a bird riding another fucking bird?? Nope? BOOMOUT

1919-2010

“I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddamn cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody."

--J.D. Salinger

The Who, What, When, Where, and Why of 40's

30 Racks....FUCK YOU!

Olde English....LOVE YOU!

Zach: I don't know about you, but I'm poor as shit. I'm in college, so what's a man to do with a hankering for some quality potables?

Mikey: Let me go ahead and answer that question for you, Zach. Have you ever considered purchasing a forty ounce container of a malty, liquory, heavenly beverage?

Classic Mikey right? Everyone knows that malt liquor is the bottom of the barrel of liquors. But wait...have my tastes changed? This beverage is not the one I remember. It's light, refreshing, titillating, and in a comically large bottle. What the fuck is not to like? Right? Right?? Right.

This whole quagmire came to my attention the other day in an acute form. One of my incredibly brilliant brothers (D. Michael Ruiz) told me something which may change my life as I know it. Now if you're stubborn in your ways and want to continue drinking shitty beer at outrageously high prices in regular sized cans, turn away from the screen now. However, if you want to reach alcohol nirvana, please continue with the blog post. Anyway, it went a little like this: "EIGHTEEN DOLLAR TWELVE PACKS OF OLDE E. AT BEERS OF THE WORLD". Praise Jesus/Allah/Yahweh what have you.

I was thinking, what's better than the number 12? The number 40. Refer to Figure 2 above. You know who would drink out of that little dildo can? Joseph Goebbels. Real men drink out of 40s. That's right I said it in front of everyone. Nazis suck. Especially that Goebbels character. What a putz.

Anyhoot, I've realized that the majority of our articles on the blog (2) are about alcohol. Some may call us drunkards. I call us fine upstanding citizens. If don't agree, you can go fuck yourselves. With the wide end of your stupid little 12 ounce bottles. Assholes.

Kinson and Fabian OUT

PS, We're not a freakin' alcohol blog. Get over it. Next week we will probably be updating about alcohol though.

Our Love/Hate Relationship with Rum

Hey Captain Morgan....FUCK YOU.

We're Admiral men as you all know. Some have called this the drink of the Gods. Others have stated loudly over an open toilet bowl that they vow to never sip on the devil's blood again.But whoever you are, if you don't love the Admiral with his pearly white trousers and flowing crimson locks and silver beer stein that is soooo clearly filled with rum. Like WTF?? And also that rippling royal azure sailor pea coat thing that he wears. Yeah that thing. It's fuckin awesome. Yahmo buy one. Regardless, if you don't love the Admiral and all of his said accessories then you can GIT OUT.

Just for those of you who don't know, I'll give you a small summary of Admiral Nelson's fine and worthy accomplishments. Born in 35B.C., he was born under the careful eye of a handsome, young consultant and a beautiful, gorgeous, and even pretty peasant in the murky waters of the Nile River. Skip ahead to the Napoleanic Wars, and Nelson has made quite a name for himself. He runs a profitable sub-premium rum company based out of the cargo hold of the H.M.S. Lousititanica, and has been promoted to Admiral of the Royal Navy of Britain. Unfortunately for him, his off-the-charts 401k plan plummeted in the Great Stock Crash of 1769. This left him belittled and embarrassed, and in a fit of rage, attempted an atomic century with his own shitty rum, leaving him dead. After his death, Nelson took up such hobbies as water polo, playing clave in a Cuban-Jazz big band, and MMORPG's. In fact, he was ranked 15th in the world at one point during his peak playing time of WoW.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, well what the hell does this have to do with myself? Well here's your answer: You should be thanking Jesus for the trials and tribulations that Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, 1st Duke of Bronté was brave enough to create a sub-par rum to get your dumb-ass drunk off of. Good luck and good night.

By the way, the best part of the bottle is the recipe on the back. Rum and coke. Complicated enough for you fuckers?

Love,

Zach and Mikey

ABOUT TO EMBARK!!

Hello trusted and devoted "Audacity for Awesomeness" blog followers!

There is a lot of pressure to write for such an intensely popular and prolific blog, but here goes nothing. OK, I leave tomorrow for San Diego and then leave out of Ensanada (insert ~ over the N's), Mexico bright and early Sunday morning. I am just finishing packing today and then im off. its crizazy and i cant believe i got my parents to agree to let me do this!! but ya, i should go finish packing my clothes and 200 condoms so i can have one last drunken night in the good ole U.S. of. A.

I hope everyone in the Roch is having a great beginning of the semester and everyone bones cat and jessi every day. Thats what they get for living on our floor. (and will you tell couch that I am very uncomfortable having cat stay in my room because of the imminent cootie infestation brought on by the doubling of the # of vaginas on our hall).

so... ya, keep on keepin on and next time you step in a snow bank, swear loudly and punch a stop sign because you got snow in your fucking sock AGAIN, just picture me spreading crabs and syphilis in the 90 degree weather on my world-wide-preggo-tour of oh' 10! Whooo!!!

ill blog again soon. peace!!

First Post Evaaaa!!!

Now, as we (Zach and Mikey) sit on Mikey's couch in his house located in (Only) Olney, MD, we began to ponder why we didn't have a blog. We then came to the conclusion that most people probably wanted to know exactly what we were thinking at any given point during any given day. So we are going to cater to the masses; to quench your palate for knowledge and leadership. By knowledge and leadership, we mean probably nothing to do with either of those subjects.

By the way, we are watching a Matchbox 20 concert on some channel called Palladia.

We are waiting to go to Bethany "Tapes" Birnkrant's family's vacation abode in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. Tom-Foolery and shenanigans are to be expected. Methinks there shall also be some chowderheaded donnybrooking and perhaps even some malarkey considering we are some daft individuals.

We shall be writing updates as the week progresses, but probably not.

Love,
Mikey and Zach (and Danny and Brian)