Mikey's Bomb-Ass Breakfast Tacos (that is the official name for them)

So, my mom called me Saturday morning and guilted me into coming home for Mother's Day '10.  Then both my parents proceded to leave town.  I've been pretty bored considering none of my friends have been home.  However, this has led me to get creative with my cooking.  Also the fact that I'm not using one of those shitty excuses for a stove that the school provides helps. Anywho, I have been working on breakfast tacos.  They are pretty bomb to say the least.  Sorry to be Hungry Sam-esque with this post, but you can't win 'em all.  The recipe is as follows:

-2 eggs

-Whatever vegetables you like with your eggs (I use onion and peppers)

-Olive oil

-4 strips of bacon (I use turkey bacon, 'cause I'm tryna be healthy an shit.  Whatever, sue me.)

-Small corn tortillas

-Salt

-Pepper

-Monterey jack cheese (optional)

Take some olive oil and heat it up in one frying pan.  Take another frying pan and heat it per the instructions on the bacon package.  Sautee up the onions first (in the pan with olive oil) and add a pinch of salt for flavor.  Then after they turn a little translucent, add the peppers.  Add the four strips of bacon in the other pan and just watch them until they're done.  Remember to flip that shit.  When the peppers turn bright and soft and the onion begins to brown, add the two beaten eggs.  I like to add a tiny bit of water to beaten eggs to make them a tit bit fluffier, chyou know.   Scramble the eggs until they're done to your liking.  Put them on one plate and the bacon on another.  Add salt and pepper to the eggs.  Then take the two corn tortillas and heat them up in each pan.  Yes, one heats up in bacon fat.  It's awesome.  Then split up the eggs and add and equal amount to each tortilla after they're heated up.  Break the bacon into pieces and put it on top of the eggs.  Then add some cheese if you want and crush 'em.  The picture is on the above, obviously.

To describe how they taste, again we will look to our sister-blog, hungrysam.blogspot.com: "The first bite, every time, makes me chew slowly and gently, just enough to keep getting all the flavor. I think my eyes close a little. It's just that delicious, so savory that my primitive cortices stage a coup and higher function is temporarily non-existant. Finally, there's some sadness at the inevitably clean plate but it's overtaken and overwhelmed by satisfaction."

Love,

Mikey

Operation Crabcake: Days 5 and 6

As Operation Crabcake comes to an end, we would like to go over what you have been missing out on for the past two days.

Day 5: No freakin' crabcakes.  Zach went to DC to visit some friends.  I stayed home and didn't do a whole lot.  We reunited at about 7:30 PM and ate some tasty shit called Joe's Special.  It was ground turkey, garlic, spinach, mushrooms, and spices all mixed together with Parmesan cheese.  As I previously stated, it was some tasty shit.  We, of course, crushed some Natty Bohs before we went to sleep.  Then we went to sleep.

Day 6: CRABCAKES.  That's right.  My mom made crabcakes for dinner.  And they were glorious.  However, the day kicked off with Zach and I going out to for some Chinese food with my Mom-Mom.  'Twas dericious.  See what I did there?  The we went and visited my other grandma who is the oldest person in the world.  She's 347 years old.  But she's hilarious.  After that, we ran to Columbia to the Target and saw the hottest mom/daughter combo in human history.  It was EPIC.  After returning we did a whole lot of hangin' out until my dad decided to make us some Ciroc coconut vodka martinis (totes gay).  Did I mention we had crabcakes for dinner?  Because we totally had crabcakes for dinner. Then we crushed some more Natty Bohs, watched some tube, and called it a night.

In a few hours, we will embark on a journey to the place that Zach calls home, the beautiful village of Auburn.  Operation Crabcake is now complete.  We shall update from Auburn in the coming days.  Don't worry, we'll feed you, baby birds.

Love,

Zach and Mikey

Operation Crabcake: Days 2, 3, and 4

Sorry to all those blogdividuals in the blogosphere, but we have been so freakin' busy that we haven't gotten a chance to update our blog in like three days.  We're gonna let you know up front; Operation Crabcake is not yet complete.  We still have some more time to eat those crabcakes though, so don't you worry.

Day 2:  No crabcakes.  We both wake up at around 10:30.  We both don't realize this until about noon.  HOW RIDICULOUS IS THAT??  Classic Zach and Mikey.  Sunday really started out by getting some bowls of Pho from Pho 75 on Rockville Pike.  'Twas tasty.  We then went downtown and checked out some monuments and memorials and whathaveyou's on the National Mall.  As you can see from the picture on the above, we aren't lying about being on the National Mall.  We were definitely really there.  We then picked up my brother and headed back home to Olney.  After watching some No Reservations, we went out to dinner at Pasta Plus in Laurel, MD.  Zach and I totally witnessed a crime!!  We saw some Mexican dude bash in a window of a BMW and then run away because we spooked him!!! What an adventure Maryland is!!!!  Pasta Plus was pretty bomb-skeet-skeet.  I got some chicken parm, and Shmacks got some pasta with Italian sausage.  The night ended with crushin' some Natty Boh's and watchin' some tube.

Day 3:  Still no crabcakes.  We woke up real, real early at the crack of 9 because I had to go downtown to get this job at Founding Farmers Restaurant for the summer.  Totally got the job.  Anywho, after my 5 minute interview, I went to meet Zach who was chillin' on the stairs of some Civil War statue outside the Treasury Department.  We then went to Georgetown and grabbed some lunch at Tacklebox.  Fish tacos and fish and chips were pretty tasty.  We picked up a half dozen cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes for only 3 billion dollars.  That's not a deal, it's a steal.  After walking around for a tit, we headed back to Maryland.  We watched The Fantastic Mr. Fox, which was funny as cuss.  We ate some leftover Cioppino and the clamma-d'sauce. We then picked up a couple bottles of potables  to imbibe upon.  And imbibe we did.   On some Natty Boh.  Shocker.

Day 4:  Yet again, no crabcakes.  Today we picked up some free lunch from California Tortilla/Taco, Zach.  We decided to head into Annapolis to walk around.  It was a pretty cute date, if you ask us.  After grabbing some ice cream, we headed back to Olney and watched more No Reservations.  However, we did stop at Borman's again to pick up two more 12-racks of Natty Boh.  Had some tortilla soup and quesadillas for dinner, and we're about to watch Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs from Apple TV and then crush some 7 and 7's.

Check out all our pictures after the jump!

Love,
Zach and Mikey

Operation Crab Cake: Day 1 (The Land of Pleasant Living)

Day one has come and gone. And still our search for crab cakes is fruitless and in vain. Nonetheless, we shall bring you up to speed. Yesterday morning at about 11:27, after stopping at that dandy "Pelligrino's Submarine Sandwich Establishment" on "Mt. Hope Avenue", Zacharias and I finally got on the road and started to head down towards the Land of Pleasant Living, or Maryland if you're new. Now this ride consisted of a live performance of a chapter of Anthony Bourdain's book Kitchen Confidential, rockin' out to "Wagon Wheel" at least three times, and a constant battle of who could get their hand closer to the front of the car when entering a new state to lay claim to being first in the state. After about five hours and twenty minutes of driving (and becoming semi-lost in the lovely town of Harrisburg, PA), we came across a small country store right outside of Ashton, Maryland called Borman's Market. We needed to pick up some drank while watching the Cap's game, so Zach goes on to ask me if there was any Maryland beer that was worth trying. My initial thought was, "Is there any Maryland beer worth trying???? This guy must be new." But, being the great friend that I am, I responded with, "Get National Bohemian (or Natty Boh for you n00bs). And he did!

We arrived at my humble abode in Olney at about 5:30. My mom starts making dinner; Cioppino: The San Francisco Treat. Throw in some salad and some toasted bread with anchovie-butter and you've practically got sex on a plate. Yahmo go ahead and borrow an excerpt from our sister-blog hungrysam.blogspot.com to describe how this dinner was

"The first bite, every time, makes me chew slowly and gently, just enough to keep getting all the flavor. I think my eyes close a little. It's just that delicious, so savory that my primitive cortices stage a coup and higher function is temporarily non-existant. Finally, there's some sadness at the inevitably clean plate but it's overtaken and overwhelmed by satisfaction."

What a ridiculous paragraph.

Who knows what today will bring. We're going to get some Vietnamese food. Then getting some wop food (I'm 1/16 Italian, so it's okay to make those jokes) tonight. And then probably crushing 800 Natty Boh's. Classic Maryland.

Love,
Zach and Mikey (.blogspot(.com))

Why I Will Never Donate One Penny to the U of R by Mikey Fabian

So, tonight is a Sunday and everyone knows what that means. (What, Mikey? What could it possibly mean?) Well I'm so glad y'all asked. Sunday night is the night that I have to move my car back to River Lot. Now to most, this will not seem like a big deal. River Lot is literally a two minute walk back to my dorm. However, being that I am a student here at the "esteemed" University of Rochester, it's never that simple. Ok, it's storytime.

As I previously mentioned, I have to move my car back to the lot I am assigned to as to not get that stupid fucking 20 dollar ticket that the U of R parking regime neatly tucks under your windshield wiper every time they catch you stopped on campus at a place that is not your assigned lot. (Watch all of the parking parts of this classic: Evil UofR) . Anywhoot, I get to River Lot and I see the spot that I usually have is open. It's the spot that is right next to the sign that indicates that students are allowed to park from the sign on. I pull into said spot with my four-wheel drive SUV and of course, I get stuck. To answer your question, yes, all the staff spots were completely plowed, and no, not one single student parking spot was plowed. So I spend 20 minutes trying to dig myself out as to not be stuck after I pulled in more, Laryssa, and after failing time and time again, I finally get out of the spot. The kicker is, I had to spend an additional 20 minutes digging out the entire fucking spot just to get my car in. And all of this for what? To not get that fucking stupid 20 dollar ticket. Pieces of shit. You will not get one penny of what I make from the job I get, no thanks to your fucking garbage school.

And now for the special "icing on the cake in addition to the kicker" section of the rant: I almost slipped 8,000 times on my walk back to my dorm because they can't even salt the fucking sidewalks. I hope your children all lose crucial body parts. Fuckers.

You Know What Really Grinds Our Gears....?

........Will Finnie.

Review: That piece of shit Italian wrap from Hillside

Zach and I just got back from Hillside. We decided we didn't want to wait for paninis so we ordered Italian wraps. On paper, this wrap should be delicious. It's got gabagoo, other types of ham, salami, pepperoni, tomatoes, onions, and Italian dressing all wrapped in an herb tortilla. However, it was the biggest piece of shit ever. Zach's had far too many onions and mine had far too many tomatoes. Also the tortilla tasted like straight dick. And it did that thing where there is too much tortilla all bunched up towards the bottom.

This is Zach and I'm trying to do work but Mikey won't let me because he keeps pestering me to update this blog so here it is. Mikey is great however, and I love him the end merry xmas happy channukkahhhkkkchkkk.

In conclusion, this wrap sucked an innumerable amount of wang. But the Greek salad was pretty decent.

Love,
Zach and Mikey

P.S. The picture at the top is what Zach and I looked like after eating that goddawful excuse for food

Update for the sake of updating

Seeing that Zach clearly tried to stage a coup d'état today by updating the blog without me, yahmo shit right back into his mouth with this killer post. Although his was kind of a killer post too...too soon?

What to write about? Hold on, let me stumble for a second. Ok, I'm back. And I nailed it with this shit.

Ever seen a bird riding another fucking bird?? Nope? BOOMOUT

1919-2010

“I hope to hell that when I do die somebody has the sense to just dump me in the river or something. Anything except sticking me in a goddamn cemetary. People coming and putting a bunch of flowers on your stomach on Sunday, and all that crap. Who wants flowers when you're dead? Nobody."

--J.D. Salinger

The Who, What, When, Where, and Why of 40's

30 Racks....FUCK YOU!

Olde English....LOVE YOU!

Zach: I don't know about you, but I'm poor as shit. I'm in college, so what's a man to do with a hankering for some quality potables?

Mikey: Let me go ahead and answer that question for you, Zach. Have you ever considered purchasing a forty ounce container of a malty, liquory, heavenly beverage?

Classic Mikey right? Everyone knows that malt liquor is the bottom of the barrel of liquors. But wait...have my tastes changed? This beverage is not the one I remember. It's light, refreshing, titillating, and in a comically large bottle. What the fuck is not to like? Right? Right?? Right.

This whole quagmire came to my attention the other day in an acute form. One of my incredibly brilliant brothers (D. Michael Ruiz) told me something which may change my life as I know it. Now if you're stubborn in your ways and want to continue drinking shitty beer at outrageously high prices in regular sized cans, turn away from the screen now. However, if you want to reach alcohol nirvana, please continue with the blog post. Anyway, it went a little like this: "EIGHTEEN DOLLAR TWELVE PACKS OF OLDE E. AT BEERS OF THE WORLD". Praise Jesus/Allah/Yahweh what have you.

I was thinking, what's better than the number 12? The number 40. Refer to Figure 2 above. You know who would drink out of that little dildo can? Joseph Goebbels. Real men drink out of 40s. That's right I said it in front of everyone. Nazis suck. Especially that Goebbels character. What a putz.

Anyhoot, I've realized that the majority of our articles on the blog (2) are about alcohol. Some may call us drunkards. I call us fine upstanding citizens. If don't agree, you can go fuck yourselves. With the wide end of your stupid little 12 ounce bottles. Assholes.

Kinson and Fabian OUT

PS, We're not a freakin' alcohol blog. Get over it. Next week we will probably be updating about alcohol though.

Our Love/Hate Relationship with Rum

Hey Captain Morgan....FUCK YOU.

We're Admiral men as you all know. Some have called this the drink of the Gods. Others have stated loudly over an open toilet bowl that they vow to never sip on the devil's blood again.But whoever you are, if you don't love the Admiral with his pearly white trousers and flowing crimson locks and silver beer stein that is soooo clearly filled with rum. Like WTF?? And also that rippling royal azure sailor pea coat thing that he wears. Yeah that thing. It's fuckin awesome. Yahmo buy one. Regardless, if you don't love the Admiral and all of his said accessories then you can GIT OUT.

Just for those of you who don't know, I'll give you a small summary of Admiral Nelson's fine and worthy accomplishments. Born in 35B.C., he was born under the careful eye of a handsome, young consultant and a beautiful, gorgeous, and even pretty peasant in the murky waters of the Nile River. Skip ahead to the Napoleanic Wars, and Nelson has made quite a name for himself. He runs a profitable sub-premium rum company based out of the cargo hold of the H.M.S. Lousititanica, and has been promoted to Admiral of the Royal Navy of Britain. Unfortunately for him, his off-the-charts 401k plan plummeted in the Great Stock Crash of 1769. This left him belittled and embarrassed, and in a fit of rage, attempted an atomic century with his own shitty rum, leaving him dead. After his death, Nelson took up such hobbies as water polo, playing clave in a Cuban-Jazz big band, and MMORPG's. In fact, he was ranked 15th in the world at one point during his peak playing time of WoW.

Now you may be thinking to yourself, well what the hell does this have to do with myself? Well here's your answer: You should be thanking Jesus for the trials and tribulations that Vice Admiral Horatio Nelson, 1st Viscount Nelson, 1st Duke of Bronté was brave enough to create a sub-par rum to get your dumb-ass drunk off of. Good luck and good night.

By the way, the best part of the bottle is the recipe on the back. Rum and coke. Complicated enough for you fuckers?

Love,

Zach and Mikey

ABOUT TO EMBARK!!

Hello trusted and devoted "Audacity for Awesomeness" blog followers!

There is a lot of pressure to write for such an intensely popular and prolific blog, but here goes nothing. OK, I leave tomorrow for San Diego and then leave out of Ensanada (insert ~ over the N's), Mexico bright and early Sunday morning. I am just finishing packing today and then im off. its crizazy and i cant believe i got my parents to agree to let me do this!! but ya, i should go finish packing my clothes and 200 condoms so i can have one last drunken night in the good ole U.S. of. A.

I hope everyone in the Roch is having a great beginning of the semester and everyone bones cat and jessi every day. Thats what they get for living on our floor. (and will you tell couch that I am very uncomfortable having cat stay in my room because of the imminent cootie infestation brought on by the doubling of the # of vaginas on our hall).

so... ya, keep on keepin on and next time you step in a snow bank, swear loudly and punch a stop sign because you got snow in your fucking sock AGAIN, just picture me spreading crabs and syphilis in the 90 degree weather on my world-wide-preggo-tour of oh' 10! Whooo!!!

ill blog again soon. peace!!

First Post Evaaaa!!!

Now, as we (Zach and Mikey) sit on Mikey's couch in his house located in (Only) Olney, MD, we began to ponder why we didn't have a blog. We then came to the conclusion that most people probably wanted to know exactly what we were thinking at any given point during any given day. So we are going to cater to the masses; to quench your palate for knowledge and leadership. By knowledge and leadership, we mean probably nothing to do with either of those subjects.

By the way, we are watching a Matchbox 20 concert on some channel called Palladia.

We are waiting to go to Bethany "Tapes" Birnkrant's family's vacation abode in Berkeley Springs, West Virginia. Tom-Foolery and shenanigans are to be expected. Methinks there shall also be some chowderheaded donnybrooking and perhaps even some malarkey considering we are some daft individuals.

We shall be writing updates as the week progresses, but probably not.

Love,
Mikey and Zach (and Danny and Brian)